her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
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We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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