I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
