Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
40s are totally the cure
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
