Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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