I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
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He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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