I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
