I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
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Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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