I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
