Ketchup is God's man juice
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I AM VODKA MAN
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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