Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
