just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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