dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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