Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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