I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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