so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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