One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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