what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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