guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
