if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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