Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
