the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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