i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
