Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
