He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
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She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
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Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize