sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
