you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
