These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
