I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
