I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
