Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
