I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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