It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
