So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
