Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
