there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
