I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
