How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
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