fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
