apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
