How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Everclear isn't food dammit
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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