My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
