I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize