Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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