Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
