I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
