He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
