I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
