Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
