So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
