he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
