Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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