I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When are your genitals available?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
