from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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