dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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