1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wanna bring you to show and tell
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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