After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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