Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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