I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You took a bar mat shot.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
there is glitter all over my balls
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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