My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
