Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
