maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
