You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
