babies were throwing up all over the place
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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