Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
