Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she looked like the before picture.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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