Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
