Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
