Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
