i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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