no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Welp...herpes.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
