Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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