She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
