I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
