I smell stomach acid.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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