She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
