But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
