yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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