Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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