There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She told me I should be a condom model.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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