You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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