Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
