I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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