did you get engaged???
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
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Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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