Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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