My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I deserve this hangover.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
